The ability to move on after your divorce entails the letting go of the past with its emotional baggage and negative emotions. If you can accomplish this feat then the heavy burdens you have been carrying will lift and you will experience the liberation of freedom: the ability to move unimpeded towards whatever goal you establish for yourself.

Think of slavery. Picture a person wrapped in chains. Now think of those chains as having specific labels attached: blame, resentment, resistance, anger, denial, sadness and confusion. Each of these labels is a chain in which we bind ourselves, keeping us stuck in our pain and regrets and unable to move forward towards a new life after divorce.

“Without freedom from the past, there is no freedom at all, because the mind is never new, fresh, innocent.”
Krishnamurti

I would add to Krishnamurti’s wise words that without freedom from the past there is no present to experience and no future to look forward to. Without freedom from the past we are doomed to stay stuck in all our ‘stuff’ and render ourselves immobile, paralyzed. To move through this life transition of divorce demands an ending, a break from the past. In order to have a beginning, there must always be an ending. One door closes and another opens.

In order to let go of the past we must be in acceptance of our new reality, our life as it exists now that we are divorced. It is part of coming to terms with loss. To refuse to accept a loss keeps us mired in the fear of that loss. To live in fear is to live under a black cloud that once again keeps us stuck in the past. Loss is a part of life, it happens and there is no way around it. We must face loss and come to terms with it.

Ask yourself: what is the price I am paying in holding onto what no longer exists? What is the cost of being chained to my negative emotions and perspective? Is it costing me my health? My peace of mind? My relationship with my children? My happiness? My optimism and enthusiasm for life? I assure you that the price you pay is very, very high and it is you alone, not your ex, that pays that price.

How would you feel if you were free of all that negative stuff? Would you feel the world contains new possibilities and opportunities for you? Would you feel light? Would your body and heart stop aching? Would you be able to be happy again? Would you have renewed energy? How would freedom feel for you?

The choice seems fairly obvious, yes? So how to let go?

- Begin by making a list of the costs of holding on to the past. In writing it will reveal to you the real costs.
- Make another list of what life would look like with freedom from the pain of your past.
- Do the classic Ben Franklin close. Weight the pros against the cons and make a decision as to how you want to live your life.
- Now make a list of the things that you have to let go of in order to gain your freedom. Things like blame, resentment, bitterness, anger, sadness, denial…you get the idea.
- As you look at each of the items you need to let go of, once again, take a look at the cost involved in holding on. For instance, holding on to blame makes you a victim because you are saying that your life is what it is due to someone else, thereby giving that person control over you. To give up blame and victim-hood, you need to take full responsibility for yourself, your life, and your feelings.
- Choose.

We each have the free will to choose for ourselves. Choosing life over enslavement to the past is a choice that will empower you, free you and move you forward . Forget about your ex, they have nothing to do with your future or your choices. This is all about you. Choose life. Choose to take back your life.

“You can’t separate peace from freedom because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom.”
Malcolm X (1925 – 1965), Malcolm X Speaks, 1965

Freedom from the past, from being a victim, from all the emotional baggage of your divorce will indeed give you the gift of peace of mind. When you realize the incredible gifts associated with freedom, this is a no-brainer. Remember that you alone can take back control of your life. This is all about you.
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You might ask yourself, I have heard this word boundary, but I do not know what it means. Boundaries are often mentioned in terms of relationships. Boundaries are a simple concept, but they can vary from person to person. Boundaries essentially keep the good stuff on the inside and the bad stuff on the outside. In the book Making Dating Work Boundaries in Dating, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend discuss boundaries at length. It is a fabulous book to pick up if you are interested in how boundaries should apply in a relationship.

Now, I just mentioned that everyone has boundaries whether they realize them or not, and they are meant to keep the good stuff on the inside, and the bad stuff on the outside. Now boundaries can keep the good people close to you, and the people that will hurt you away. Think of boundaries as an invisible property line around yourself, and that those boundaries should keep the good things in, and protect you from things you do not want in.

Examples of violations of your person boundaries include: the loss of freedom of oneself, being with the wrong person, control issues, the inability to say no, doing too much within the relationship at the expense of yourself. Boundaries are your beliefs and ideals that make you especially unique. Infringing upon your boundaries only serves to make you an unhappy person.

How do you know what your personal boundaries are? You need to know yourself. Shakespeare said “To thine own self be true.” You do need to know what is important to you. What qualities do you like in yourself, and want from others. For example if you value honestly, being with someone that is not honest will not make you happy in the long term. You will need to be strong enough in your personal character to eliminate people who do not exhibit honestly in their words and in their actions.

Now looking at just you being honest with yourself requires some homework on your part to acknowledge what is important to you, for you to be willing to uphold your ideas, and then you must communicate your ideals to others. You need to communicate your expectations about a relationship clearly. When that other person may violate your expectations you need to be willing to discuss these ideas head on, and if need be you need to be willing to set that relationship free.

Boundaries are really meant to protect you. They are meant to keep you happy, and safe in relationships, whether these are friendships or relationships that may go further. You do have some ownership in knowing what things are important to you, they may be honestly, personal character, not using drugs and or alcohol. Once you know where your standards are you can communicate these to others and position yourself around people that will not violate your personal boundaries.
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So, you’re wondering, is he single or is he married? You can save yourself a lot of heartache by looking up his marriage license.

It’s an all-too-familiar scene. A married man in a bar trying to find his next mistress. Unbeknownst to her, he has a wife and kids at home that he has no plans of leaving.

He’s just using her for sex, or worse, he’s setting her up for a scam that could not only leave her bank account drained, but get her in trouble with the law.

Don’t Become His Mistress

A married man who’s looking for a mistress won’t admit that he’s married until he’s absolutely forced to. By that time, he’s hoping that his victim’s judgment will be so clouded with emotion that she’ll make the wrong choice: staying with him.

Married men seek relationships outside of their marriage for attention. He won’t leave his wife for you. He won’t destroy his family to be with you. He’ll expect to string you along with empty promises getting what he wants and using everyone in the process.

So, before you fall into this trap, before your emotions get involved and cloud your judgment, find out if the man you’re dating is actually married first.

Online Romance Scams

Predators have found a profitable place in the online dating sites. They will often woo a woman, seducing her quickly. But for the conman, it’s all business.

After the predator has gained the trust and affection of his mark, he’ll start asking favors, usually involving the need to use the mark’s bank account for some sort of business transaction.

He’ll probably pretend to be overseas, affording him an excuse to use the marks account for his dirty business.

Keep Your Financial Information Secure

A good conman will provide all sorts of reasons why he needs access to your finances or personal information. Some common ones are:

• They need airfare and travel funds to come and meet you
• They need to do some offshore business through your bank account
• They need you to reship (illegal) items for them

But, imagine if you found out that the people trying to take advantage of your emotions were actually married in the first place. I’m sure you’d think twice about getting romantically involved with them.

So, do some research first, and find out if a person is married (and who they really are). Learn the advantages to retrieving marriage license information before you make the big leap and decide to become intimate with them.
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There is an old saying that there’s a silver lining to every cloud.  While marriage is probably one of the most difficult things you will ever have to go through, the truth is that it’s the perfect example of a cloud with a silver lining.  Although you’re divorced, you have the option to start a whole new life – or get back to the old you.  You can go in any direction you want and you are not tied down.  This guide will help you with valuable tips for rediscovering the person you lost during marriage.

Improve Yourself -

While we’re married, many of us think about our spouses all the time – before we purchase something, before we make a decision and so on.  Now, the only person you need to think about is yourself.  This allows you many different opportunities to improve yourself.  Start taking some classes that will help you get ahead in your career, or volunteer at a charity that you feel very passionate about.  Not only will these things allow you to improve yourself but you will have the chance to become passionate about something and find the person you used to be.

Make Friends -

It’s all about a new start.  Why not celebrate it by making some new friends?  The above suggestion to take some classes is a great way to meet new people.  You could also join some groups in your local area or take a singles cruise.  This is not to connect romantically, but to allow you the chance to meet new people, see new faces and develop connections with individuals that you don’t have a past relationship with. This is an amazing way to find the person you lost during your marriage!

Find a Creative Outlet -

Another great way to release the old you is to find a creative outlet that you enjoy.  Perhaps you would like to try painting, sculpting, writing, acting or something else.  This is a great opportunity to learn more about the changes you’ve gone through while you were married as well as thoughts and feelings that have been suppressed.  Creative outlets can really help you to release the feelings, emotions and thoughts you have been keeping to yourself.  It’s a wonderful and cleansing feeling.     

By using these different tips, you are able to really get back in touch with yourself.  It’s about time you start thinking more about you and your own thoughts and feelings.  These different things will really help you release the person you were before you were married!
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